The Thirty Minute Blogger

Exploring Books and the Writer's Life, Faith and Works, Culture and Pop Culture, Space Science and Science Fiction, Technology and Nostalgia, Parenting and Childhood, Health: Physical and Emotional ... All Under the Iron Hands of the Clock and That 30 Minute Deadline

Friday, December 23, 2011

So, Smarty Pants, You Say There's No Santa, Eh?!

It's Christmas time again. The lights are up, the presents purchased or actively being sought at the last minute, the trees rising and filled with lights and festive ornaments, kitchens filled with wonderful smells, and small children's eyes sparkling in anticipation of Christmas morn.

But, it is also time for a Grinch, a very particular, nerdy, science Grinch (now don't get me wrong, I like scientists, I was a social scientist for a while, but I don't like THIS scientist). It's that smarmy guy who always has to prove how smart he is by debunking Santa Claus and the impossibility of Santa getting the job done all in one night across the entire globe. Tedious isn't it? It's also worrisome to parents of young children who want to keep the magic of Santa alive for the season.* But parents, here's a story you can tell those kids that even Mr. Smarty Pants Science Grinch can't poke holes in. Here's how the story goes.

Santa is one bright guy. He's been around a long, long time and been watching the world's population grow as the centuries rolled past. He realized that there would come a day when even he and the flying reindeer couldn't get all the gifts delivered in a single night, short of calling in help from a Time Lord (and those guys are notoriously hard to work with). So, Santa came up with a plan.

From personal observation, Santa knew that as children grow into adulthood they had trouble retaining their sense of wide-eyed wonder with the world and began setting aside magical things in favor of the "practical." So, Santa decided it was time to tell one big lie that played into this habit of adults. Santa started the rumor that Santa definitely does not exist. However, parents, hearing this lie and believing it instantly, and yet still wanting their kids to have the same wonderful experience with Santa that they'd had in childhood, scrambled off to shops or to the workshop to create hand-built toys for their children and put the Santa label on them. You see, with the spread of this single, artful lie, Santa was able to franchise his enterprise on a global basis. Now, every parent in the world who is able to is doing the heavy lifting for the right jolly old elf and making sure the gifts are under the tree Christmas morning. These days, Santa, Mrs. Claus, and the elves are in charge of managing the Santa image. They work hard all year long to keep the Santa name clean and the Santa deception in place. And that, dear parents, is how to explain in modern terms how Santa gets all the presents delivered in one night.

This story blows a huge hole in the Grinchy Santa poo pooing. AND it has the added benefit of working with the slightly older children who are beginning to wonder why corporate names are appearing on gifts from Santa.

So, have yourselves a very merry and very magical Christmas!

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*Okay, defensive "Keep Christ in Christmas" folks, relax, this is a Santa post. I'm a Christian too and celebrate the birth of the most important person ever to enter this world, but right now I'm telling a Santa story, so relax ... or go elsewhere, with my most blessings. 

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