The Thirty Minute Blogger

Exploring Books and the Writer's Life, Faith and Works, Culture and Pop Culture, Space Science and Science Fiction, Technology and Nostalgia, Parenting and Childhood, Health: Physical and Emotional ... All Under the Iron Hands of the Clock and That 30 Minute Deadline

Monday, July 28, 2014

Manly Man's Recipe to Never Shuck Corn on the Cob Again! The Five Minute Response ...

So, manly man, you're ready to show you have cooking mojo and impress your date? Choose sweet corn and this secret method, delivered in manly terms, and success is ensured (or as nearly so as it ever gets in the manly man world where bizarre catastrophe is always possible).

On his show, A Prairie Home Companion, Garrison Keeler described fresh summer sweet corn as better than sex. Gentlemen, I'll leave that up to you to decide, but we here at J.S. Brooks Presents have discovered that some of the more aggravating "foreplay" can be eliminated. Never again do you need to shuck an ear of corn. Presented for your consideration, the no shuck summer corn, written in manly fashion! This lightening fast corn prep and presentation will be sure to impress the love of your life and suggest you have cooking mojo (and mojo suggested can at times like this be as powerful as mojo earned)!

  1. Cook an ear of corn, one at a time, complete with husk and tassels, in the microwave set on high (naturally as manly men take no half measures) for five minutes. The natural moisture will keep it from drying out. Fear not, desiccation and disappointment will not ensue.
  2. Use hot pads or an oven mitt to move the now piping hot ear from microwave to a large, rugged cutting board. Yes, gents, protect those callused hands from the now hot corn. You impress no one with scalded fingers and high pitched screaming coming from the kitchen.
  3. Cut off an inch from the base ... you know ... the end where the stalk was attached. No, not from that pointy end with the scraggly hairs sticking up like the very worst of morning after hair. Use a large and impressive knife to accomplish this feat as, well, it's more fun. A serrated knife works well. Count fingers. Sigh with relief (let no one see this) and move on to be amazing.
  4. Now the amazing thing happens. Take hold (still using protection against heat) of the tasseled end firmly, lock steely gaze on the corn, and gently begin to squeeze the corn ear out the now opened base end onto a large, manly man's platter ready to receive this summer delight (nothing fails to impress like forgetting to have something ready to receive that hot corn and having it roll away, off the table or the counter, and into the ready jaws of your dog waiting under your feet or lurking beneath the table ... where some form of stupidity occurs that further reduces your cooking stature when your best furry friend discovers how hot that corn really is.
  5. When that cooked and delectible ear comes free of the husk, it is entirely or almost entirely silk free and ready to prepare and eat as best you see fit. Show this proudly to your date, spouse, significant other for appropriate accolades. Repeat until enough corn is ready to satisfy! (Keep completed corn warm while cooking the rest.)
It is a wonder, a great time saver, and yes manly man it will make you look like you know what you're doing in the kitchen. 

For complete imagery of the process, see this post:

That IS the five minute response!

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